A Sense of Self
by Digital Artists
Summary: Books are inanimate objects. They only live when the writer gives them soul... Satoshi begins a diary, but diaries aren't supposed to talk back. Shounen ai, Satoshi x Daisuke!
1. Chapter 1

MG: Boo! Ha, that scared you! Now then . . . I'm not quite sure what sparked off the idea for this fic. I started writing it out during work (cuz am on Work Experience! Lotsa fun!) and it kinda grew all by itself. And lookie, I'm doing it from Satoshi's POV, a very rare thing indeed.

I haven't _entirely_ decided on a pairing yet. At the moment the piece is swaying towards Dai x Satoshi, but I am kinda half-considering Satoshi x Krad. Hmmm . . . we'll see how it goes I guess – if you think the story is better suited to one pairing over the other then please let me know. And don't forget to review with that! Ta xXx

* * *

Hello.

I am unsure as to whether that was a suitable introduction but I hear it is customary to begin a diary narrative with a colloquial. Why, I shall never understand. Perhaps it is to create a sense of familiarity? If so, then the familiarity is false. It is impossible to feel familiarity with a blank book.

Book in general, while part of the everyday, are not 'familiar' things. They are inanimate objects. Some would say it is the words written in each book which have the power to move people. This is not true. Just as in brilliant works of art, the emotion is not conveyed through the paint or ink, but through the raw passion of the artist. Books are inanimate objects. They only live when the writer gives them soul.

I feel like I'm rambling. I wouldn't really know, seeing as I have little to ramble about. What does a person write in a diary? Secrets? Stories? To record the mundaneness of daily life? To detail intimate emotions? Why? For what audience, and what purpose?

I hear some people write because they are lonely and see an appeal in talking to an invisible friend. Some people relieve stress by 'unloading', removing the burden of the day's worries and imprisoning them on paper.

But when it comes down it, no matter what it is you write, you're still just talking to yourself.

Unfortunately I know that feeling all too well in the literal sense. Not a day goes by without Krad hissing quiet threats in the back of my mind, or tainting my dreams with nightmarish images. We both know I grow tired from his torment. Tired, and weak.

Tired even now, and too weak to move from the bed. Is that why I am writing this? As something to entertain my bored mind? Perhaps.

* * *

I am still too weak to leave the house. It was only yesterday I picked up this forlorn book for the first time and, on a whim, began to write. I suppose at the time I hadn't really expected myself to be continuing, but seeing as there is little else I can do, keeping a diary should be an interesting experiment.

So for this experiment to succeed, what do I write? Do I note every task of the day? Give all my personal details and history? Explain myself? No, that would be pointless, for who else will read this but myself?

Perhaps I should begin with a reason for my being currently bedridden. Krad had a brief moment of power yesterday that left me weak to the point of exhaustion. I grow worried, for though he has not attempted it again, the effect has lasted for a long time. I should have recovered by now, I am sure.

I believe the fact that I have eaten very little recently has also contributed to my current state. If Daisuke where to see me I'm sure he'd throw a fit.

Daisuke.

The word feels just as beautiful to write as it is to say.

Daisuke, Daisuke, Daisuke.

I wish I could say that name all the time, so that it forever graced my lips with its presence.

Reading back over my entry, I wonder why I wrote that. Perhaps because no-one else will see the words my treacherous pen has spelled out for me. Should I rip out this page? No, because what I wrote is true. I love Daisuke's name.

The boy himself is something to wonder at. No other has offered me friendship as innocently and sincerely as him. I want . . . I want to be his friend. But the threat of Krad always stops me from becoming too close.

Or close at all, for that matter.

I long for companionship, and the thin semblance of friendship that Daisuke has managed to construct between us fills a small corner of loneliness' void.

I no longer feel like writing.

* * *

Should I date these entries I wonder? No, it is enough to know that Spring, though her embrace on the earth is still firm, is beginning to yield her grip to the first caress of Summer.

I have recovered remarkably since my last entry and I am thankful that Krad does not seem overly active. Oddly enough, he has been rather quiet of late. But I suspect that will change tonight when we face Dark once again.

I have begun to dread our meetings in the various art galleries and museums of the city. I know it is my duty, no, my _purpose_ to catch Dark Mousy, but what then? What happens to my purpose when it has been fulfilled? And Daisuke? Daisuke . . .

Would he hate me?

No, he would not hate me. He would loathe me. Well, maybe not loathe as he is altogether too nice to hold a grudge. But he would be thoroughly upset. I know how much the thief means to him.

Too, too much.

It is time. I must leave.


	2. Chapter 2

MG: Phew! I'm very sorry if you happened to stumble across this chapter before I put the dividers in - it should make more sense now as it was supposed to be several entries, not one long one! Please R&R!

* * *

Yet again during class I found myself wondering why I had chosen this as a path to capturing Dark. I was right in believing I would meet Dark's tamer through high school, but this tenuous link is useless as it is not Dark I encounter there.

At first I had thought knowing Daisuke would aid me. Perhaps I could learn of his movements, discover a few of his tricks. But it is not Daisuke I wish to capture. Not in the literal sense.

I never thought he would extend a hand towards me in the offer of friendship. If anything, I would have expected hatred, maybe even rivalry. But Daisuke is not like that.

I remember the thought that had spurred me towards getting a place at the school. Just a simple "What if . . . ?"

Such thoughts are always treacherous, but being human I followed it. Maybe that was stupid of me, clouding my one goal with a curiosity of 'normal' life. Perhaps. I do not regret it.

And then there is the fact that Daisuke _You like talking about him don't you?_ is always so intent on becoming my friend.

I know I did not write that.

_Not all of it, no._

What is this?

Hello?

I am beginning to feel stupid.

_You deserve to feel stupid._

What are you?

Hello?

Answer me. Now.

Are you a spirit of some sort? If you intend to harm me I warn you against it.

* * *

I was very uncertain as to whether I should continue writing, but, all my suspicions aside, I am curious. It would appear this . . . thing . . . has still not replied since the last entry. I know it was not my imagination because it is written down on the pages in font of me in a very different style of penmanship.

To my chagrin, I actually attempted asking Krad for an explanation. I received a mocking sneer and mental cuffing for my trouble.

So in light of this (which is not much) I have decided to carry on writing as I have been, and maybe hope for another 'incident'. Though I am now uneasy of writing anything too personal. I dislike the idea of another knowing my thoughts.

What to say? Very little, seeing as it is the weekend and I intend to spend the entirety of it here, alone. A small part of me hopes that Daisuke might try calling for me, but that is a futile thought as he knows neither my address nor my phone number.

_Well give them to him, idiot._

Is it any business of yours?

_Entirely._

What are you?

I am waiting extremely patiently and I would like an answer.

* * *

I am starting to wonder if this strange intrusion into my writing is simply trying to annoy me. Therefore, I will ignore it.

_Good luck._

Last night was another theft, another confrontation, another chase, and another sigh of exasperation as Dark off into the sky. I saw Daisuke this morning _Him again?_ during our first period. He smiled and asked if my arm was okay. He is always worrying. _Sure sounds like it._

He caught up with me again later, at lunch. He sat down next to me and got out his sandwiches, even dared to offer me one. I refused _Why?_ obviously.

There are times when I hate his kindness. _Then you're an idiot, mate._ Does he pity me? Is that the source of all his generosity towards me? Pity? I sincerely hope not.

_Are you going to stop talking about him at some point?_

I remember, three weeks ago, before I found this book, I was stood with him _Apparently not. _outside the school gates. It was warm, and there was a gentle breeze. The silence we shared felt comforting. I liked that moment.

There have been other such moments, ones where I simply reveled in the enjoyment of his company _You're obsessed aren't you?_ and it seemed he felt the same to be with me.

It seems to annoy you when I write about him.

_Only because it's so bor-ing. I swear your fixation with him cannot be healthy._

I am confused.

_Satoshi, I have one question for you . . . _

How do you know my name?

_Are you a stalker?_

No. Now why do you _I mean, do you have a weird Daisuke-complex or something? It has to be a mental problem, or something in the genes. Must be._

Stop.

_You're always writing about him. I don't think there's a single entry where you don't mention him. Except the first one. You were droning on with pointless thoughts in that one._

Stop!

_I mean, I thought I was gunna die from boredom! There is no way I want to be stuck with a boring owner. Would it kill you to be a little more inventive? Maybe write a play, or a good book. But a diary? Sheesh. Now I have to listen to you describing your sorry excuse for a life in that meticulous way of yours._

Why is it that you can interrupt me and prevent me from writing when I cannot do the same to you?

_Because you're holding the pen, stupid._

That should give me the advantage.

_Says who and in which legal doctrine?_

What are you?

I am getting exasperated.

If you will not answer then tell me why you stop when I ask that question.

_Maybe I don't want to tell you._

What did I do to you?

_You picked me up and started writing?_

_Since when is a question mark a sentence?_

It conveyed the message. I do not understand your grudge against me.

_Well, of course you wouldn't. You're stupid, remember?_

_It's as simple as this: I am pissed off because when you started writing, you decided what I was going to be._

_And I do not like being a diary._


	3. Chapter 3

MG: Yikes. I didn't realise this fic would get so weird. Honestly, I hope you understand it. Does it seem like I'm going off-subject a little in the fic? (If ya know what I mean) Hmm . . . I think in the next chappie I'll try and get more of a diary-like narrative from Satoshi, with lotsa thoughts on Daisuke. Btw, am I still writing in-character for Satoshi? I'm worried I may be changing his voice a bit . . . Please tell me all your thoughts and ideas in a review! If it seems like not too many people are interested in this fic then I might end up dropping it TT

It is quite strange after all . . .

* * *

_Why did you stop writing?_

_Did you leave?_

_Satoshi?_

I'm here.

_What happened? You were the one being all pushy for an explanation, and then you just stopped writing!_

I collapsed. Krad had another . . . moment of power.

_Ah. Must be a bugger having to live with something like that in your head._

For a mostly blank book, you seem to know a lot about me.

_Of course I do. It's 'cuz I'm your diary. A diary should know everything about its owner because that is the purpose of its existence._

And what if I had decided to use this book to record notes and research?

_Then I would be a notebook, stupid. But I'm not, so you better start treating me like a diary and write about diary stuff. Normal people do not hold conversations with their diaries._

I am not a normal person _Agreed._ and I was under the impression that it was you who chose to begin a conversation. Please do not interrupt me when I am writing. It is very disconcerting.

_Sorry._

_I didn't mean what I said, you know. You're not all that boring, and you don't have an obsession with this Daisuke lad. You are kinda stupid, though._

Thank you for pointing that out. I am sure

_Well? Are you gonna finish the sentence or not?_

_Uh-oh._

* * *

Should I be sorry for not writing sooner? I am afraid I collapsed again near the end of the last entry. And it happened again, a few days ago, while I was at school. It was very inconvenient that I happened to be standing by the lockers at the time, so I attracted a large crowd with my screaming. Daisuke got drawn into it as well, like always. Thankfully Krad did not manage to take over, but Daisuke's presence did not help either.

Do you intend to contribute at some point?

_I'm listening – if 'listening' is what you call it, anyway. Carry on, you sounded like you were on a roll._

Indeed.

_Well, come on then! I wanna know what happened!_

Fine. I was in agony so the school arranged for me to be taken to hospital. Daisuke insisted on coming. He stayed with me through the afternoon, till the evening. I think he'd forgotten that he was supposed to steal the 'Torka Nai' at nine, though he did leave eventually.

I was kept in hospital for two days, and he visited me at the end of each. He even offered to walk me home afterwards – I would have refused, but I didn't want to seem rude, not when he was so clearly worried about my condition.

So he knows where I live now. He won't leave me alone.

_Well, what did you expect? He wants to be your friend; he probably thinks he IS your friend. Why do you shy away from his friendship?_

Because Krad will _Bullshit_.

Excuse me?

_Excuse you? You have enough excuses without me giving you more. Krad's your excuse for everything._

That is not _When you started writing it was because 'Krad made you too weak to move', and when you stop writing it's because 'Krad made you collapse', and when you won't talk to Daisuke it's because 'Krad Krad Krad Krad'._

But this _Even now you're trying to make an excuse, an excuse for giving an excuse. How stupid! Do you know what you are, Satoshi? You're a coward. I know you are 'cuz I'm your diary, remember? You're a spineless weakling who's unsociable and an uncaring prick to boot. You want 'normal', Satoshi? Your family got kicked out of 'normal' a long time ago. You're a freak._

_Can you hear Krad laughing, Satoshi? Can you hear your excuse echoing in your head? He's you endless chasm of angst, isn't he, Satoshi? An excuse for you to feel oh-so sorry for yourself . . . _

I don't think _Satoshi?_

_I think you should stop writing. Now._

* * *

Am I welcome to write again? I can understand if I am not. What you said . . . it is true. And I suppose it is a truth that has been haunting me for a long time. I am a coward, and I hide behind a façade that is just an excuse to distance myself from others.

_There are too many truths that you will not admit to yourself, Satoshi. But not all of them are necessarily 'true'. _

I do not understand.

_I know. I did not expect you to understand. Is a belief automatically a truth?_

No.

_Well then, very little of what I said yesterday may have actually been true._

Again, I do not understand. I realise that a person's beliefs will be based on opinion rather than fact, but you know everything about me, so why lie?

_I do not know everything about you. I know only what you think of yourself._

You are saying that it was **my** view of myself you presented me with?

_Exactly._

This idea disturbs me.

_Hey, I guess secretly thinking you're a wimp isn't too bad, right? Even an unsympathetic wimp is ok. Right?_

I need to go somewhere else to think for a while.

_Sure thing._

* * *

You gave me much to think about. I had previously thought I understood myself. It seems you have proven me wrong.

_No surprise there, seeing as you're an idiot. So, what else is new?_

In terms of my life? It seems Dark postponed his theft of the 'Torka Nai' until tonight. I have a feeling it is because he knew I wouldn't be there to face off with. He is strange like that.

Daisuke informed me of the change today, as he probably realized I hadn't heard. He didn't need to have done that. It remains a mystery to me why he shares details of the Phantom Thief's movements with me.

_Seems pretty obvious to me._

But still, friendship aside, he must know that when it comes to Dark I am the enemy. He must know.

_He probably does. But from the sounds of things, he probably doesn't care either._

That would be typical of him. At some point though, he is going to have to learn that we cannot be friends.

_Why not?_

Must we discuss this?

_Yes. But not now, I suppose. First get your head straight regarding yourself. Stop consuming yourself with worries about Krad. Then we can move on to the matter of Daisuke._

For a book, you give very sound advice.

_What can I say? I should have been a psychiatrist. Now, don't you have a thief to chase?_

Indeed. Till tomorrow then.

_Definitely, and you betta have sorted your head out by then 'cuz the next time you write I'm gonna pick your brains clean on this Daisuke fella!_

How delightful.


	4. Chapter 4

MineGeorgi: Thanks for the reviews! It cheered me up to know people were still reading even though I keep going off on tangents during the story. I think in this chapter we're _finally_ getting some of Satoshi's true feelings . . . but not in the way he'd expect! Hope you enjoy it. xXx

How should I begin my entries now? With a 'Hello' or something similar as I am addressing you?

_Whatever, mate. Just start it as a diary entry. You know, like: 'Today I went and finally admitted my feelings to Daisuke and so we quickly found a bedroom yadayadayada . . .' _

I honestly cannot believe you just said that.

What is that?

_It's called a smiley, dumbass. Y'know, using symbols and stuff to make faces? That one is a person winking. Tilt your head._

Oh. I see.

_So how'd it go last night? You get down and dirty with Dark?_

I would like to forget the events of last night. I'm afraid you struck too close to the truth for comfort.

_Ah-ha! So you both got it on in the museum?_

No!

_In the bathroom?_

No!

_Oooh, on the rooftop! How romantic . . ._

Again, no! Why do you persist with this idea?

_Because it's 'too close to the truth'? What happened then?_

I already said I do not wish to _Oh, c'mon Satoshi! I'm your diary! You can tell me anything! All the dirty details . . ._

I am not amused.

_Oh, alright. I promise that spilling your guts to me will make you feel much better, instead of bottling everything up inside. Better?_

Perhaps. I don't seem to have a choice, do I? _Nope._

The evening began much as it always does. Dark got past the guards with little effort and even to the 'Torka Nai' before I caught up with him.

We exchanged the usual threats and insults. I admit I was overly confident as I, unlike Dark, knew the mischievous nature of the 'Torka Nai' and was sure it wouldn't let Dark take it away easily.

_What do you mean 'mischievous'?_

The legend behind the 'Torka Nai' says it was created as a gift to one of the gods of old. You know of Zeus and how he played games with the lives of mortals? This deity did exactly the same, finding amusement in turning people's lives upside down, though never in a harmful way.

The problem was I had thought being a Hikari would make me immune to whatever tricks it intended to play. I was very, very wrong.

_Because you're stupid._

Insulting me is supposed to make me feel better?

_Fair point. Carry on._

I am not sure I want to.

_Look, eejit. Either tell me or don't. For once you've got an interesting story to tell me so I'm all ears. It doesn't matter if it's embarrassing._

I disagree. However . . .

Krad for some reason was remaining quiet. I suspect he knew of the 'Torka Nai''s tendency towards pranks and was keeping himself out of the firing line.

I remember feeling triumphant when Dark snatched away the small object. I then remember finding Dark stuck to me.

_No way! Where were you stuck together?_

Well . . . at first we were standing, but then ended up sprawled on the floor, and then Dark was straddling me . . . you see, we were joined by the, well, do I have to say it?

_Sorry but I'm not sure I'm following you._

You're doing this on purpose.

_Spell it out for me._

We were joined at the crotch.

_So let me get this straight . . . Dark was ON TOP of you, STRADDLING you, you were UNDERNEATH him, and you were stuck together AT THE CROTCH! The thrill that must have excited your bodies! Oh, the sweet groinal area! A classic if ever there was one!_

That is not the worst.

_There's more! Tellmetellmetellmetellme! I bet you had hot steamy sex right there on the floor . . . _

If you continue drawing those sorts of conclusions then I will stop writing. Forever.

_Right, right. Sorry._

The situation became the most awkward one I have ever been in because, after a brief flash from the 'Torka Nai', my mind registered that it was Daisuke now sitting atop me.

_You were still stuck?_

Yes.

_Damn, I wish someone had taken a picture. The kid's face must have morphed into a beetroot! And I can only imagine the look on yours . . ._

Indeed.

_So then what? How'd ya get unstuck?_

We . . . didn't.

_00_

_He's not with you right now, is he?_

No. But he is in my shower.

_Go take a look._

I really will stop writing.

_Sorry._

_So how'd that happen?_

We managed to maneuver ourselves so that we could walk, though very clumsily. As my house was closest that is where we headed.

It was only once we got here that we realised the problem could be solved by simply taking off our trousers.

_So THEN you had hot, steamy sex?_

Why do you have such a strong fixation with this concept?

_Hey, it's not my fault! One day I'm your inner tease, the next day I'm your self loathing . . . today I appear to be your libido._

I wasn't aware I had one.

_Well then! Maybe it's because you always deny yourself sexual thoughts that I'm going overload on them here! Everything I say springs from your mind, remember._

This is a very unsettling idea. I am sure I do not think of Daisuke in that way.

_You totally sure? 'Cuz if not, he's in your shower right now . . ._

I demand you stop making comments like that! He had to stay the night because the 'Torka Nai' locked us in to play various mischief – including turning us into mustard pots and making us switch bodies every now and then! Thankfully Dark managed to build up enough power within Daisuke to contain its magical energy, but it left him too tired to walk home. I simply offered him my bed.

_With you in it?_

_Umm . . . sorry?_

_Satoshi? You there?_

_Oops._


	5. Chapter 5

MineGeorgi: MWAHAHAHA– . . . sigh. Fifth chapter! I'm so proud! And now we finally get the beginnings of a SatoxDai plot!

And . . . I have amazing news! I finally have a vague idea of where the story is going! Fear not, it has a plot! And I'm using too many exclamation marks again! Hope you enjoy, as always. xXx

* * *

I will give you one chance to explain yourself.

_Do I need to spell it out for you, Satoshi? I've already said this several times, and I keep repeating myself. I am not an individual being. I am a book, and books are inanimate objects, remember? _

If you think that is a suitable _excuse? No. It is not an excuse. It is what you yourself wrote._

_When you began writing you gave me 'soul'. Perhaps I am different to other books in that this concept applies literally to me. I am like a person, one person in particular, in fact._

Who?

_You. Obviously. You projected a sliver of your soul into the pages through your words . . . and that is what shaped me. _

That does not make sense. You are nothing like me.

_No? Well, perhaps. But you cannot deny that I have often voiced thoughts you would rather keep hidden from yourself. Whether about your heritage, Krad, or Daisuke – particularly Daisuke. You are torn in all matters concerning him._

_Why did you begin writing? Be honest._

I had nothing better to do.

_And?_

Maybe . . . I suppose I thought, well, wondered, if it was true, that a book could listen in place of an actual person.

_Exactly. You wanted someone to talk to. I'm it._

So if you keep showing different aspects of myself, what are you today?

_I am your rationality. _

I find that amusing.

_Why?_

I just re-read the entry. I realised you sound very much like me.

_Are you rational all the time Satoshi?_

_Wouldn't you rather be normal?_

* * *

_Why did you leave, Satoshi?_

You struck a chord. It hurt.

_Sorry._

_Anything interesting happen today?_

I am not sure it could be called interesting.

_Tell me anyway._

You seem quite placid.

_Maybe. Just talk to me._

Are you bored?

_No. Lonely. Like you._

I am not lonely.

_That was a lie. If you are not lonely then why are you writing? Why are you not with someone else, a person? A friend? _

So I am lonely. I am used to it.

_So tell me about your loneliness. You have never talked about that before._

It is not _Please, Satoshi? Anything will do, just talk to me?_

Well . . . I suppose.

I do not know how to write about loneliness. How do you describe a thing so vast? It encompasses everything, all aspects of life, shadows all other emotions. It is like a void, but one that has never been full in the first place, so it is hard to determine its true nature and boundaries. Does loneliness have boundaries, I wonder?

One might argue that I am never lonely, for I have Krad. Krad is no company. Dark was right when he called him a monster. He only defines my loneliness, as he is the sole reason that I must always be alone.

I want so much to be friends with Daisuke. Though perhaps you are right, and my longing stretches for something beyond friendship. Either way, it is torment to know that he is so close, but couldn't be further away.

He still comes to my house. Ever since that night with the 'Torka Nai'. Every weekend he calls for me. Most of the time I pretend to be out, or sleeping. Occasionally I open the door and have a brief attempt at conversation before telling him I have work to do. Other times he will catch me at school. Every time I shy away, find an excuse to leave, because I feel Krad stirring within me.

I blame Krad for my loneliness. He is my curse. He is my loneliness.

_Fight back._

What?

_Fight back against him. You are Krad's tamer, not the other way round._

You cannot be serious. It is not possible.

_Satoshi? Have hope._

Hope?

* * *

Against my better judgment, I took your advice.

Today I approached Daisuke at school. I got as far as catching his attention so that he would leave Riku to talk to me. And then I felt stupid.

_Why?_

Because I had nothing to say.

_Picture me repeatedly banging my head on a wall here._

That is exactly how I felt. I stood with my mouth opening and closing _Like a fish._ trying to conjure words from nothing. A good party trick. And yes, I am sure that is how I must have looked to Daisuke.

Fortunately, he seemed to think I had something important, maybe a warning, to give him that should be kept from the prying eyes of others. He led me to a small grove of trees just on the edge of the school field that I had not known existed. We sat in silence, and under his expectant gaze I felt completely at a loss. Small talk has never been my strength. _You don't say?_

Shut up. I mumbled something to him about Krad, about trying to suppress him. This just caused a worried look to jump onto his face. In hindsight, I realise he must have assumed Krad was trying to get out at the time due to his being there, as he asked if he should leave.

I stood up to stop him, but didn't move more than two steps, my arm outstretched, about to touch his shoulder. He stared at me in confusion. I garbled some unintelligible protest and stumbled forward. I think I scared him. Perhaps I moved too quickly.

Actually, I know I must have scared him, as he stuttered that he had to leave immediately, and promptly ran off.

I have never felt so humiliated.

And I know I just destroyed all my chances of being friends with him.

_That's a bit melodramatic, even for you, Satoshi. I'm appalled!_

Excuse me?

_So you freaked him out a bit. Big deal. The kid's coped with a lot worse than an idiot like you acting drunk and almost falling on him._

I am still doubtful.

_What day is it tomorrow?_

Thursday. Why?

_Right then. You have two days to make up for today's mess up. Your mission: to arrange to go out somewhere with Daisuke on Saturday._

That's too soon!

_Good luck._

Wait! I didn't agree to it!

Do I have to?

Stupid book.


	6. Chapter 6

MineGeorgi: Boo! You lot still there? I really appreciate that you're sticking with this story; I know the plot was slow going at first but now things are moving at a better pace! I'm sorry that the times are probably off – I have no idea what a Japanese school timetable is like so I just used mine as a template!

* * *

Thursday

8:30 – I am preparing to depart for the school. At 9:00 class will commence and I will proceed to _What the hell!_

Excuse me?

_What's with the weird get up? You know, writing the day and time and speaking all freaky like._

I have taken your 'suggestion' to heart. I feel that having a goal such as this to aim for may help me get a little bit closer to Daisuke. The arrangement of my writing is similar to how I would log a mission when chasing Dark. I will be recording my progress as the day continues.

_O . . . kay . . ._

It makes me feel more at ease.

_If you say so._

_You were saying?_

_Hello?_

9:15 – Your interruption earlier made me late so I had to break off. I am now writing during class _Nice to know your lover boy can inspire such juvenile delinquency._ and Daisuke is in my line of sight. I have asked you to refrain from doing that countless times. And he is not my 'lover boy'.

_Is too._

Don't be childish.

Today's overall objective: Obtain Daisuke Niwa's trust and make amends for yesterday.

The morning's objective: Apologize to Daisuke for the scene I caused yesterday.

The target is currently engaged in English class work. I doubt that passing a note to him will successfully gain his attention. I should be able to approach him during the short break.

11:00 – I am very relieved: my meeting with Daisuke went well. As it turned out, he made the first move. I admit I felt rather guilty that he was apologizing to me, but I soon understood his motive.

The reason he'd run away yesterday was not caused by me! He was a little nervous in divulging the exact details to me, but from what I could gather he was called away by Dark. How, I do not understand, as Dark should not be anywhere else to call him from.

Though I am relieved I am now also worried. This can only mean something unpleasant is stirring. If Dark is indeed separate then nothing good can come of it. Could this mean Daisuke is in trouble? No, he was fine when I saw him, if a little edgier than usual.

I want to ask him about it later, but I also don't want to seem rude.

2:00 – That went much better than expected. I caught up with Daisuke near the beginning of lunch and actually had a few conversation phrases planned! _Freak._

At least I had something to say this time. _Fair point. But you're still a freak._

There is no winning with you. _Hehe._

_So what was your amazing stratagem?_

I proposed that we eat lunch together.

_Smooth. A lunch date. How'd it go?_

Fine, I suppose. I have never actually eaten a meal in anyone's company before so this was a new experience. And rather awkward. Though he did seem to like the fact that we were on the roof where I normally eat. He commented several times on the view.

However, he did look very surprised to find that I had only brought bread for my lunch. _Well, duh! You think that's normal? Way to go Satoshi, you're well on the road to convincing him that you're an average kind of guy!_

He knows full well that I am not 'average', as I know the same of him.

_But you're never going to get anywhere if you have these whopping great rifts of difference between you all the time._

At least it worked partially to my advantage. Although it did embarrass me a little, he offered to share his lunch and I accepted. _Scrounger._

Yes, that is what I felt like. Is it more impolite to refuse such an offer or to take it, I wonder?

_Next time make sure you have something to offer him in return._

Good advice. I must remember then to pick up some food he might like for tomorrow.

_Food? Well, sure, if you want to be bland then I guess you can share your food with him._

I take it you feel you have a superior idea?

_Yup. You could offer him **anything** at all . . . Think about the possibilities._

If you are suggesting something, well, physical, then no. I do not want to scare him off again.

_You never scared him off in the first place._

Still, I would rather not have a repeat.

_Oh, c'mon Satoshi! It doesn't have to be physical! It could be more of a . . . promise._

What kind of promise?

_Hmm . . . perhaps a favour that you could owe him. _

Is that all the advice you're going to give?

_Oh, think of it for yourself. Construct something suggestive, I know you have it in you!_

I refuse to acknowledge that remark.

_You're a PERVERT, Satoshi!_

Go away.

* * *

Friday

3:00 – For the first time I find myself unable to sleep because of worry.

I have never been so nervous in my life, not even when on the verge of perfecting a plan to capture Dark. I spent the evening attempting to make sushi for tomorrow's lunch. I hope Daisuke likes it; I've never made sushi before.

3:45 – I went downstairs to get a drink to find that the sushi had turned a strange greyish colour. Whether or not it is edible is anyone's guess. I for one am not willing to test it. Perhaps I should make some rice instead?

3:55 – No. Rice is too simple. But what else?

4:20 – I decided to make rice. It had better not go grey before tomorrow.

4:30 – What if it did go grey? It was a little mushy when I spooned it into the container, so that could be bad. But what if _Satoshi, stop._

No. I need to make sure _Satoshi, I swear that lack of sleep is making you delusional. Go to bed._

No.

_You want to greet Daisuke in the morning with big bags under your eyes? You might 'scare him off' looking like you just stepped out of a grave._

_Thought that would work. ;-)_

10:20 – It will be the break soon. Daisuke is sitting in front of me. Should I ask him now or later to eat with me?

_Why're you asking me? I'm just a book._

All right, then, later. I'll ask him after Physics.

11:40 – I realised when I walked into the classroom that I'd made a big mistake. Daisuke isn't in my Physics lesson.

_You twat._

I don't know where I might find him once this class is over. I'll have to search the school looking for him. At least I know most of his usual hangouts.

_And why is that, pray tell?_

Because I watch him. You know that.

_I knew it . . . You ARE a stalker!_

Would you rather be lightly toasted or well done?

_Smooth comeback. Sorry I asked._

7:00 – _Left it a bit late to be writing didn't you?_

Perhaps. Frankly I have been too elated throughout the afternoon to write.

_Ooh . . . Someone got lucky!_

Yes I did – not in that sense! _Took you a second to realise it, though. So if you weren't getting laid what gave you the 'too happy to notice an innuendo being shoved in your face' mood?_

I spent nearly a half hour searching for Daisuke at the beginning of lunch, and was miffed that I couldn't find him at any of his favorite places or with his regular friends. Eventually I gave up and retreated to my usual spot on the roof.

Daisuke was waiting for me.

_Awwww._

He said he'd come to meet me for lunch. Of his own volition! This time I gratefully accepted the food he proffered and was surprised to even find myself hungry. From yesterday I knew that Daisuke's lunches are amazing. His mother obviously goes all out when preparing them.

I almost forgot I had my own lunch to share. I loved the look of surprise and genuine gratitude that appeared across his face. It's so easy to read his emotions: most of the time he wears his heart on his sleeve! He's always so honest, so sincere, in everything he does.

Mind you, his expression faltered for a second when he opened the container.

_Oh, god. What did you do to it?_

Well, I had the rice in there, and had even added a bit of chicken and veg. Unfortunately, it seems that the sushi disease of last night is contagious. The vegetables were apparently melting into one another, the chicken had deformed and was growing smallish green spots, and the rice looked like something might be living in it.

_Can you do nothing right?_

Not when it comes to cooking, obviously.

I admit I almost screamed in alarm when Daisuke reached out tentatively for a piece of broccoli. _Did he die?_

I am sure he came close, though he tried hard to mask the disgust behind his features. That was sweet of him, but I still felt awful. _You felt awful? I'm sure he felt worse, mate._

Well, that doesn't matter anymore.

_I'm impressed. It takes some balls to be chipper after you've just poisoned your potential love interest._

Perhaps. But it earned me a meeting with him on Saturday!

_How the hell! If I was him I'd be keeping my distance!_

But Daisuke isn't like that. He offered to teach me how to cook. I agreed. I suggested he come over this Saturday. Thus, mission accomplished!

_Well done. Have a gold star._

It wasn't an entirely good experience though. From the moment I saw Daisuke to the moment I waved goodbye to him, I was struggling to keep Krad under control. I think Daisuke noticed once or twice, but he didn't mention it. Perhaps he trusts me to handle Krad? I hope so.

In that sense it was a nightmare, and I know Krad will wreak his revenge tonight, probably in my dreams. But none of that matters anymore, because Daisuke is worth it.


	7. Chapter 7

MineGeorgi: Hello there! Glad you're still with me! I'd like to apologise for the lack of updates recently. I've had a fortnight of exams but now that they're over I should be updating again at my usual pace. And to make up for it, I'm going to accelerate the story into action within the next two chapters. Enjoy! xXx

P.S. Just in case it's not clear, when Satoshi is writing his list of notes, the words in brackets are words he's crossed out. I don't know how to get the 'strikethrough' effect so if anyone could tell me I'd be very grateful! Sorry, the brackets are the best I could come up with as a substitute!

* * *

Saturday

11:00am

Daisuke should be here soon. I'm nervous again. I'm not used to being nervous.

_Pfft. You're only nervous 'cuz you know you'll muck something up. Just accept that this is going to be a disaster and get on with it!_

Where did the encouragement go? I thought you were supposed to be helping me!

_Encouragement? What is the meaning of this new and peculiar word?_

Shut up. Some moral support would be nice, considering the situation.

_Moral support? Watson, I think we've encountered a strange new language. One in which we are expected to be 'nice' and 'civil'. Those are evil words that should be banished altogether from all languages!_

Watson?

_From Sherlock Holmes. Any literate person knows that!_

Yes, except I haven't read many English novels recently. And I honestly think you are losing your mind, if I read your previous paragraph correctly.

_Ah, but wouldn't it be your mind going ga-ga then? Seeing as how I'm essentially just your thoughts . . . this must mean you're going crackers!_

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

_Do I sense some exasperation?_

No. Why would I be exasperated, with you of all things?

_Oo, sarcasm now._

Shut up. I need to clean the kitchen.

3:00pm

Things seem to be going well. Daisuke arrived a few hours ago with cooking supplies and a book of recipes for me to attempt. He was rather late because he'd had to run an errand for his mother first, but that's alright. I used the extra time to finish cleaning the kitchen and before then I'd never realised just how much junk it was full of. And how little cupboard-space I had to cram it all into.

This resulted in both of us being showered with pots and pans when Daisuke opened a cupboard door to find a dish for the rice. _In everything you do, you just keep failing to surprise me, Satoshi. A sensible person would hide the useless crap in their grandma's slippers or something._

Really? And you just keep failing to make sense, _Or you're just going nuts! _but that isn't the point. I told Daisuke I'm writing notes at the moment, so that is what I am going to do.

_Hey! We've had this conversation! I'm a diary, not a notebook!_

If I can multi-task then so can you.

1) Always make sure potatoes are cooked right the way through. Use fork to pierce. If hard, (do not) continue cooking.

2) Rice should (look) not look mushy after cooking. If it is then probably (not) been cooked for too long.

3) An oven should be heated for (half an hour) (twenty) (ten) a few minutes before cooking.

_4) You're really not good at this, are you?_

Shut up. I'm trying.

_Oh, do carry on. It's actually quite entertaining reading your struggle to take notes on cooking._

I'm going to use a different notebook.

4:00pm

For the most part, everything is fine at the _Oh, come back have we?_

What now?

_Oh, don't worry about it. After all, I'm not good enough to be used for taking notes!_

But you said _I'm just a diary. I'm not allowed to be anything other than that. So go on, leave me!_

Stop being childish. This is important.

_How so?_

Well, as I said, things are mostly fine at the moment, if you don't count my atrocious attempt at a sponge cake _How bad was it?_

Daisuke said it looked like a very small, yellow hippo. But he was laughing while he said it, and even gave me a brief hug, so I don't feel that bad.

_You could get a lot of money for that. I bet a lot of people would pay good money to see a hippo imitating cake._

Look, that's not what this is about. I think I might have to ask Daisuke to leave in a minute _Why?_

I'm getting there! Krad's been progressively becoming worse all afternoon and god, the pain is terrible and I'm worried he might get out because what if I can't stop him and what if Daisuke gets hurt and _Calm down. Take a breath. You can handle this, you have done before._

But this is so much worse than normal _So tell the kid and he'll leave._

But if I tell him he'll think it's his fault and I don't want to worry him because it feels like there's something else already troubling him and I don't want to add to it and I just

* * *

A/N

Ooo, cliff-hanger. Love it? Hate it? Think I should rot in hell? Tell me all about it in a review!

I've actually nearly finished the next chapter but . . . I think I'll wait a while before putting it up! Yes, I can be evil. Enjoy the suspense while it lasts!


	8. Chapter 8

MineGeorgi: Well, here's the next chappi. To tell the truth, I am proud of thinking of the idea for this chapter, but I'm not entirely sure if I've written it right (even though LookitDom thinks it's fine). Please, it's especially important you tell me what you think about this chapter because the whole story takes on a new direction! Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing so far! Seriously, you guys are the best!

* * *

Where am I?

Hello?

This doesn't feel right.

What . . . happened to me?

_You woke up then._

I hate it when people state the obvious. What is this place? And what happened?

_You tell me. I'm just a book, how would I know?_

There's something wrong with this.

_With what?_

With . . . all of this. I feel like I'm barely real. How am I talking to you?

_With words, duh._

But . . . I'm not writing them, and I know I'm not speaking them . . . I . . . I can't see anything. Or hear anything. So how-

_What do you remember?_

I was worried. Very worried. And I was writing, and then there was a crash, and a lot of pain. And Daisuke was, he was, he . . . there was something there, on the floor. Like a black, pulsating mass. I remember it, it . . . jumped? Flew? At Daisuke's throat but also lunged out . . . towards me and . . . and . . . I woke up here. Wherever here, is.

_Well, welcome to the home of your private thoughts and fantasies, Satoshi!_

I'm in the diary?

**Satoshi? That's you?**

Umm, who's there?

**Daisuke. How did you get in there?**

Wha- where are you?

**On the sofa, writing in this book.**

You're writing? So I really am stuck inside it?

**I guess.**

Umm . . . you haven't read anything in it, have you?

**Of course I haven't! I completely respect** **you're privacy, Satoshi.**

Thank you. So . . . what happened? And what was that . . . thing?

**It's kinda hard to explain, and I'm so, sooo sorry you got involved! I didn't realise it would come after me and I guess that makes me really stupid, too.**

No it doesn't.

_Nah, actually it makes you even more innocently cuter._

**Who's that?**

Ignore it. It's just _Hello Daisuke! I'm Satoshi's diary! Pleased to meet you at last! As I am his diary I know all of his inner thoughts and feelings. Would you like to know some of them?_

You bastard!

**It's not nice to swear, Satoshi. And no, thanks, I don't.**

_Awww. But it would be so much fun . . . _

**No. Do you know how Satoshi got sucked inside?**

_I pulled him in._

Why!

_You were about to get eaten alive by a crazed Soloaga! You should be thanking me!_

**How do you know it was a Soloaga?**

_. . . I . . . guessed . . .?_

An explanation, please?

**Umm, Dark would probably kill me for telling you this, but seeing as he isn't here right now and I really need your help I figure it can't hurt. Umm, you know that the big gallery in town recently bought a new piece of art, the 'Santaka'?**

Yes.

**We weren't going to steal it, like, immediately, but Dark wanted to go scout if out, if you know what I mean. So, umm, we decided **_You know, it's even cuter that you write down your 'umm's!_

**Erm, ok.**

_Hey, Satoshi was thinking it, not me!_

Shut up!

**Were you thinking that?**

Of course I was.

**Erm . . .**

Wasn't! I meant I wasn't!

_And so it was that Satoshi realised he cannot lie when inside a diary . . ._

You shit!

**Satoshi!**

Sorry.

**You think I'm cute?**

Straying from the point! You were explaining Soloagas and why Dark isn't with you!

**But do you?**

I think everyone thinks you're cute, Daisuke. It makes you, you.

**Ok. Well, umm, we were outside the room that held the 'Santaka' and it started glowing really brightly. Kinda like the same glow the moon has when it's full. Dark was, you know, out at the time while I was watching from the inside. Then there were, well, they felt like hooks being snagged into our skin, and Dark was being ripped away from me . . . I . . . I couldn't . . .**

It wasn't your fault, Daisuke.

**But, maybe, what if I'd tugged harder, been stronger in pulling him back? Maybe he wouldn't **Daisuke, I'm sure he's fine.

**But he isn't. I know he isn't; I can hear him screaming. He's locked in a kind of cell, bound with . . . things, things like the Soloagas. Except they aren't, because their faces, oh god, their faces belong to little kids. Like they've been ripped off and just tackily stuck on a black blob using tape . . . I saw it all through Dark's eyes and it was horrible. And he's in so much pain . . .**

Are you crying, Daisuke?

**Yes. I'm sorry.**

Don't be. Do you know why these creatures are after you?

**I have an idea. Umm, before we, umm, my family, just thought the 'Santaka' wanted Dark's power but now, umm, I think, maybe, it needs me to complete Dark so it can drain all of his power? It's not much of a theory but I can't think properly right now, even though Dark's in **I think you might be right, Daisuke. The 'Santaka' isn't any Hikari work that I know of. Does it have a story or legend behind it?

**Yes.**

What is it?

**Umm, I don't know.**

**I'm sorry.**

It's okay.

**My parent's and Grandpa have been trying to find out but so far nothing's turned up. I was thinking of bringing it up later with you to see if you knew anything but, umm, I guess not.**

**Umm, any ideas how we can get you out of there?**

_Satoshi is safer here. Trust me._

Trust you? Since when! And it's not like my safety is your number one priority. Tell me how to get out.

_No. You can help Daisuke like this. _

As words on paper? No! If Daisuke's in danger I want to be able to physically protect him! Dammit, I'd rather be able to give my life for him than just sit around waiting for him to write!

_Honesty's a bitch, ain't it?_

**Thank you, Satoshi. I'd want to be able to do the same for you, but maybe the book's right and it is safer for you in there. I mean, what if the Soloagas target you next?**

_See? You're loverboy agrees with me. Besides, you won't be able to follow him into the 'Santaka' as a human._

**Umm, we have to go in there?**

_You want Dark back, right? The best approach is the direct approach. I can make a portal to send you there right now. _

**Umm, no tha**

Daisuke?

Daisuke!

**Umm, I'm here.**

Where did you go? What did it do?

**Umm, I think we're inside the 'Santaka''s world. It's really dark but I can still read what you're saying.**

What's your game?

_Game? What game?_

How do you have the power to open a portal?

_It doesn't matter. You need to rescue Dark, remember?_

**Umm, I guess I don't have a choice. Can you open another portal to get us back?**

_Sure, when you've found him._

**Umm, ok.**

Are you sure about this, Daisuke? This is very dangerous . . .

**Satoshi?**

Mmm?

'**Loverboy'?**

Uh . . .

* * *

A/N

MineGeorgi: Any thoughts? Are you bored? Intrigued? Have I got Daisuke's voice right? Is Satoshi sounding too unsure for his character or are all you enjoying watching him being tormented? XP Hope to see you again!


	9. Chapter 9

MineGeorgi: Whoa, short chapter. Sorry for the wait; this chappie gave me quite a bit of trouble, though thankfully I know (mostly) how the next one will pan out. One question before I write it - how much weirdness can you tolerate? I have one idea in particular for the direction of this story, but I know that if I don't write it correctly then it could just turn this whole thing into one of those farcical fanfics, whereas I want to keep an element of seriousness to it. What do you guys think?

Daisuke? You haven't written anything for a while, are you okay?

Daisuke?

_And exactly how do you expect him to reply if he ISN'T okay?_

Daisuke!

_Mind you, it could just be that he's upset with you._

Wha- why? Because of the comment YOU made?

_That's right, blame the book!_

Well, it was you that said it.

_Well, it's true, isn't it?_

What's true?

_Daisuke's your loverboy. _

No he _Loverboy! Loverboy!_

You're very childish.

And it's not true.

_Aww, c'mon Satoshi! The kid only has to read your entries to find several versions of your confession!_

Th-that's _totally true. Jeez, make up your mind already. Stop admitting stuff and then denying it._

Umm, so do you think Daisuke is okay?

_He's probably just preoccupied. Best for him to stay alert, seeing as this is a very dangerous place and all._

So how do I help him when he's in trouble? How do I even know that he is in trouble!

_Oh, stop being a wuss. Have some faith in your loverboy._

Stop that.

**Do you argue like this a lot?**

Ah . . .

_Daisuke! Glad to have you back! Feel free to verify my earlier statement by reading through Satoshi's diary!_

**Again, no thank you.**

_Where've you been?_

**Running, mostly. Umm, I'm sorry if I worried you, Satoshi. It's just, some of those things, the ones like Soloagas, they swarmed from out of nowhere and I was running before I knew it. Umm, there were these, like, it was, umm **Daisuke, you don't have to describe it if you don't want to.

**I feel like I ought to. Like maybe it'd help, or something, but I can barely remember what it looked like. It really scared me.**

_Don't worry, Satoshi's here to protect his loverboy!_

**Satoshi, what is this thing that keeps making weird comments? You never explained it.**

Er, it's hard to explain really _Basically . . . _

_I am a book. I am used as Satoshi's diary. Thus, I am all of his private thoughts, fantasies, and emotions personified! _

**. . . Erm, Satoshi? Where did you find this thing?**

It was just lying around the house, really. I have no idea where I picked it up. I suppose it's possible that it came off the black market.

**Oh. Umm, when did you find it?**

Around three weeks ago, I think.

**Oh.**

Is something wrong?

**Umm, well, you see, this book, it's actually**

Daisuke? Daisuke, answer me!

_Jeez, do all people do this? What is it with you humans and collapsing halfway through a sentence?_

You think he collapsed! What happened! Do you know what happened!

_Stop usin so many exclamation marks. It doesn't suit you. _

I am not in charge of my expressional grammar.

_And I am not in charge of the Universe. So, how do you plan to help Daisuke?_

You said you knew how!

_Me? I'm just a diary. _

How am I supposed to do something if I don't know how to do it! Help me!

Please, I can't do anything on my own!

_And neither can Daisuke._

So tell me how to help him! You know what I have to do so- . . . i-is this your doing? Did you . . . do something to Daisuke? What was he about to say that was so important?

Why are you doing this? Did you plan this?

_Let's just call it . . . a test._


	10. Chapter 10

MineGeorgi: Yo! As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm still jot updating regularly. Unfortunately, this will probably continue to be the case, as you may have heard from LookitDom in one of our or her other stories, we'll be concentrating a lot on completing our entry for the Rising Stars of Manga competition. As well as that, I'm also working on my entry for a writing competition (I will be a writer! I swear it! And I will win the cash prize! Not that the cash is the reason I'm entering . . . lol). I will still carry on with this story though; you have my word on that. So please continue to R&R!

One last thing. This will probably be my last AN for a while in this story, so basically this will be the last direct comment from me for the next few chapters. As I won't have a chance to do this in that time: Thankyou to everyone for all your previous and future reviews! You're all awesome and great at firing me up to write! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

* * *

There must be something I can do. Best start with the facts:

I am stuck in a book.

I have no knowledge of how to get out of the book.

Daisuke has not contacted me for a while. This may or may not mean he is in danger. It could simply be that I am now unreachable to him.

But if that's the case, am I still where I thought I was? Perhaps I should look at things in a different light:

I am stuck in a book that has the power to entrap a person and to open portals to dangerous dimensions, yet it is not a Hikari work.

I have no knowledge of how to get out because the book won't tell me how or help me.

I have not heard anything from Daisuke for a while.

This is not helping Daisuke!

So, what can I do? I have no magic at my disposal, do I?

My pure existence at the moment is just as words on paper. I am useless.

Although . . . this 'place' is a dimension just like the 'Santaka''s realm, and technically that's where I am. Is it possible to build bridges between dimensions? Maybe I should try to find a way through-

Or not? The book said I would be unable to help Daisuke in physical form. But I don't know if I can trust that thing anymore. Is it really a personification of my thoughts? And if so, why isn't it helping me?

Heck, this really is starting to sound like a diary.

Wait! Maybe the book itself is the key . . . and if not, then maybe the 'Santaka'. I wonder if they're linked. It could explain why the book was able to open the portal in the first place.

**Maybe you're not supposed to find a way out?**

Daisuke!

**Hey.**

Did something happen again?

**I don't know. Everything just went kinda dark for a second. It's still dark actually. I can't see a thing.**

But you can still read the writing, right?

Daisuke?

**Satoshi . . . I don't know how I'm talking to you.**

Oh.

**I- I'm pretty sure I'm not writing anything, especially since I lost the pen. Umm . . . am I actually hearing your voice or just imagining what you're saying?**

Words. We're communicating using words. Blasted book.

**Uh . . . I'm inside it with you?**

I don't know.

**Oh. Oh, well. I still need to find Dark.**

Oh, well? Oh, well! Dark shouldn't be your priority at the moment, Daisuke. We could be in danger here, or **Are we in danger?**

I don't know.

**There. What's the point in moping then? We ought to figure something out, so let's do it.**

Sometimes I wonder if you're too upbeat, Daisuke.

**It's called 'hope', Satoshi.**

I . . .

**Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound nasty. **

No, you, you just . . . reminded me of something the book said to me once. It told me to fight back. To have hope.

**It's a good thing to have.**

**By the way, um, something just occurred to me.**

Mmm?

**Shouldn't Krad be in here with you?**

Actually . . . I haven't even felt his presence since I woke up here . . . and you're separate from Dark . . . This can't be just coincidence.

Daisuke, you know what this thing is, don't you?

**The book? Yeah. Well, kinda. You see, Grandpa gave it to me saying it would be useful, but, um, I . . . I lost it. Maybe it dropped into your bag or something?**

**Satoshi?**

If I wasn't just words I would be laughing, Daisuke. You're unbelievable! Completely and totally **It's not like I meant to lose it! I don't mean to be clumsy!**

You are unbelievable though.

**You don't have to rub it in.**

You're unbelievable and amazing. Unbelievably amazing. Or amazingly unbelievable. You're the cutest, sweetest guy on earth, yet you can pick a lock in three seconds and beat a trained soldier on an assault course.

**I think you're giving me too much credit.**

You're incredible, Daisuke.

**Um, thanks.**

So what do you know about the book?

**Wha-? Oh, uh, um . . . well, you know how most artworks have a story? **

Yes.

**Well, um, this book is kinda like an artwork, with a story, but you see, it, um, its story doesn't exist until someone starts writing in it.**

I don't think that makes sense. It sounds like you're describing an ordinary book.

**Umm, Grandpa tried to explain it to me, but I'm not sure I understand either. I think, basically, you have to use the book to 'activate' it, and in doing so you give it its purpose, and part of that depends on the kind of person you are.**

Giving it soul . . .

**What?**

The book. It told me that because when I started writing I'd decided to use it as a diary. I gave it part of my soul, so it _became_ a diary.

**You know earlier it was saying it was a personification of your thoughts and stuff? If that means it's a part of you, wouldn't that make you the key? Like, the key to getting out of here?**

**Satoshi?**

I think you're right.


	11. Chapter 11

_Having fun?_

_Interesting, isn't it? Being able to read the actions of people just by looking at their thoughts. Their emotions. Do you know where you are?_

_Look around. Look straight ahead. It's white, isn't? Quite white, and full of words. Words in italics. Words in bold. And lots and lots of people, reading those words. Do you know where you are?_

_How do you define reality? Is the Santaka real? Are Daisuke and Satoshi real? Are you real? Do you know who you are? What you are? _Where_ you are?_

_How do you define reality? You can't catch it, can't contain it. But you can create it. Before someone started writing, I never existed. I was created, and now, I am very, very real. _

_Who created me though? Satoshi? Ah, but you don't even know whether or not he's real. Do you even know who it is that's talking to you? Do you even know who it is that I am talking to? _

_No._

_Are you waiting for someone to tell you? Are you relying on me, or someone else, to reveal to you the workings of the plot? To name and explain the characters? To tell you if you're one of them?_

_Think about it. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Try harder.**

I am.

**You don't sound like it.**

It's hard to do anything remotely forceful when you're just thinking it.

**Hmm. Time for Plan F, then.**

Another one?

**Yep! This time maybe you should envisage a picture of a way out? Or just a door?**

It won't work.

**You haven't tried it yet.**

But it won't work, regardless. We've tried five times with five different methods, none of which have made sense.

**But it does make sense! If you're the key to getting out of here then you should be able to think an exit into existence!**

Then maybe I am not the key. And if I was, I'm sure it would not be that simple. But then, there may not even be a way out.

**C'mon, Satoshi, we can't give up now. I won't let you give up!**

I'm sorry.

**Satoshi!**

I wish I could, Daisuke. I really wish I could do something. But I can't.

**You said you'd die for me.**

What?

**You said that if you could, you would rather give your life to protect me than do nothing, and I would do the same. How come you're willing to do that, no, how would you be _able_ to do that if you gave up after failing a couple of times? How would you get anywhere? I'm not giving up, Satoshi, because I'm willing to do anything to save you. **

Those are powerful words. But just words.

**How can you say that? Don't you believe me?**

I believe you, Daisuke. I believe that you, out of millions of people, would be the only one foolish enough to try and help me in a bad situation, no matter the cost. I believe you would do that, because you're that kind of person. Caring, gentle. I believe in you.

**Did you . . . did you feel that?**

Yes.

**What was it?**

I don't know. It felt like the world shaking, yes?

**Yeah. Like, an earthquake, but the kind you can only feel in your head. Like, when someone says something that shatters your world and you're left dizzy. Not like a mental breakdown, but more like losing your footing.**

That's . . . what it is? That feeling? I think I've felt it before.

**Huh? Sorry, yeah, that didn't really make much sense. I just meant that feeling you get when you realise something about yourself, and it changes the way you think and the way you look at yourself.**

Oh. Um.

Wait a minute – you said you get that feeling when someone says something to you? Something important?

**Uh, yeah. Like how a really powerful statement from someone can change things. **

Change what things?

**Well . . . yourself, I guess.**

So . . . if that's the case . . . and it's words . . . and this is all a part of me . . . and I said . . .

**Satoshi? Did you just understand something?**

I . . . think so. I think it's words.

**Huh?**

Powerful words. Writing, it's a form of art, isn't it? And it's well known that words have power, even in the hands of the weakest man. I said- I said I believe in you, didn't I? That's a powerful statement, of trust, belief, and friendship; so maybe that shaking was the world around us changing a bit?

**Um, I understand you, kinda. So we need powerful words?**

Yes.

**So, how do you know which words are powerful?**

The ones which illustrate power I would imagine. Words like . . . destroy, hunt, kill. Maybe even: fear, terror, pain.

**They don't sound like nice words, though.**

It's not about nice, it's about power.

**So you just have to keep saying them and hope something happens?**

I can't think of anything else. It's the best we've got at the moment. Maybe they'll end up destroying this world or something.

**Alright then. So long as we don't get destroyed with it.**

I know.

Um, let's see . . .

Crush

Shatter

Tear

Slash

Crumble

Devastate

Ruin

Maybe a different kind of word?

Kill

Maim

Hurt

Wound

Or perhaps . . .

Anguish

Torment

Suffering

**Nothing's happening, Satoshi.**

I know.

**Hey . . .**

Mmm?

**What's that?**

What? Can you see something?

**I'm not sur- Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.**

Daisuke? What is it?

**Satoshi! **

Just tell me wha- No way. They can't be real. Daisuke? Daisuke!

**No, no, no, no, no, no, Satoshi, please, please, no, god no, please, **

Daisuke, stay away from them!

**Oh god, look at them, Satoshi! They're- They're . . .**

Stop looking at them!

**Why are they here, Satoshi! Why? They shouldn't be here, they were around Dark, oh god, yes, Dark, oh no . . . oh no, no, no, no . . . Satoshi! Satoshi! Sato- **shhh, calm down, calm down. They aren't doing anything anymore.

**But they- they're watching us . . . Satoshi . . .**

I know.

**Can't we make them go away?**

Daisuke, I'm sorry. I think I brought them here, with those words.

**So send them back! Send them back using words!**

I daren't.

I'm sorry. I really am, Daisuke.

-

-

-

-

-

-

**They're gone?**

I don't understand this.

**Hehe . . . hahahahaha!**

What?

**Maybe 'sorry' is a powerful word too!**

Oh . . .

Heh.

**So maybe we were looking at the wrong kind of words?**

Maybe.

**You don't want to give up because of what happened, right? We made a mistake, so we know not to do it again. And it wasn't your fault and it's not like it **Daisuke . . .

Let's try again.


	13. Chapter 13

_Hehe._

_Hehehe._

_Still there? Of course you are. No doubt you noticed the time lapse at the beginning of that last section. Remember? Normally everything that happens to them is written down, but this time you didn't get to see what they were doing before you started reading. So how do you know they _were_ doing anything before you started reading?_

_I told you, you can't define reality that easily._

_You see, I have complete control here. Whilst you're here, I control everything you see, everything you read, and how much of it reaches you. This white, white world of words. It's _mine

_Heh._

_Are you still floundering? Of course you are. Because Satoshi and Daisuke have barely figured things out. And to you the plot unfolds as you watch them, so you know nothing that they don't._

_Or do you?_

_Look around. You're aware. Aware of your surroundings. And this white bleakness. Are they aware of this? Do they have access to the information contained within this world that I am allowing you to be privy to?_

_But then, so far, has any of my information even been useful? Or relevant? Hehe. _

_And even if it has been of use, to what use do you intend to put it? Are you an active player in this 'story'? Are you a character, or merely an onlooker?_

_Well, regardless of what you are in relation to Satoshi and Daisuke, and regardless of whether or not you are a part of this reality, I am sure you would like a hint. So, would you like me to let you in on a secret?_

_Thought so._

_So here it is: words are the key. But then, words are meaningless if not given a purpose._

_Do you know what Soloagas are? Meaningless words. Look it up, I dare you. 'Soloaga' is a meaningless word. So is 'Santaka' for that matter. What is the point of a word if you just say it, without adding your own meaning behind it? Words can shape a person's life, but then, they need a person to shape them first._

_Heheh. _

_Want me to let you in on another secret?_

_Here it is: all of that was bullshit. 'Bullshit' is eight letters long. Want to know what else is eight letters long?_

'_I love you'._


	14. Chapter 14

_You're still floundering. You hate that sensation, don't you? Helplessness. Not being in control._

_You haven't answered yet. Do you know who you are? Do you know where you are? And are you sure that it's you who I'm addressing?_

_Heh. You're so conceited. Assuming that you're the sole beneficiary of my time. How do you know you are the only one reading this, the only one this is aimed at? Maybe there are many others, reading the same words, floating in the same world of white. Or maybe, you _are_ the many. _

_Heheh. Just screwin' with ya._

_So, I'll ask you one last time. And I'll make things clear._

_Do you know where you are . . . Krad?_


	15. Chapter 15

MineGeorgi: Yo! I know it took me ages, but it's finally here! I've been on holiday for two weeks, and now I'm back at school (darn it), but apart from that it's been really hard to figure out how to end the story. I got really stuck. But I figured it out! Victory Dance! And I think I got Satoshi's voice back to how it should be. Mostly. Let me know.

News – I sent my entry off for the writing competition and now I'm just waiting for the results so, fingers crossed. Regarding the Rising Stars of Manga competition, we've decided to slow down and work towards next year's competition (somehow I've earned the nickname the Evil Boss from my mates because I stress and want them to work to close deadlines. Pfft.), so that won't get in the way of fanfics anymore. Unfortunately, my original writing will (I found my muse again! She was sitting in a tree eating doughnuts . . .).

And Finally – Hopefully it's now apparent (or maybe not) why I stopped the A/Ns. It was just 'cuz those chapters wouldn't have had such a great effect on you guys if you'd read my babblings at the beginning. Hope the ending confuses you!

xXx

Honesty

Obedience

Purity

Enthusiasm

It does not appear to be working.

**But still . . . **

Either we have missed something or this is just not the way out.

**But you saw those things! And, and, it makes sense! This HAS to be it! Words that are good and um, y'know, meaningful and . . .**

Meaningful? All words have meaning, Daisuke.

**Well, yes, but not all of them are meaningful!**

I'm afraid I do not see a difference.

**It's . . . it's like in a painting. I guess you could say a picture has meaning in that it has trees and grass and, and stuff that all comes together to create a scene of the countryside. But, um, what makes it meaningful is that the farmer painted it in memory of his dead wife because she loved the country. Or something like that.**

**Um, does that make sense?**

Unfortunately, yes.

**Unfortunately?**

I think I . . . I think I might know the words to get us out of here . . .

**Really?**

Yes, but their meaning is rather . . . personal.

**Um, I don't know if I can but, um, if you want I can try and find of way of not knowing what you said? Um, I don't know if my eyes and ears actually exist at the moment but I'm sure I could just imagine covering them up-**

But then the words would be meaningless. You have to . . . you have to hear them. Or whatever.

**Um, okay. Then I promise not to tell a living soul what you're about to tell me. But, you don't have to if you don't want. Tell me, that is.**

No, I think I must. But I've never- I haven't really- I never said something like this before.

I think . . . I think that . . . No. That's not it. What I mean- . . . I . . . this . . . is not coming easily . . .

**That's okay. Take your time. And if it's too hard you can always stop.**

There's something that . . . I really . . . I like you. Daisuke. I like. You. That is.

**Um, I like you too, Satoshi.**

No! That's! I like- I lo- I like you more than . . . that.

**You mean you like-me like me?**

Yes.

…

**I'm sorry, Satoshi. I don't like you like that. I like Riku. I _love_ Riku. I'll always love her, more than anything . . .**

I- I know . . .

**No you don't.**

Wha-? But, I do, I understand how you feel-

**Do you? You don't.**

I do, because that's- that's how I feel . . . I understand . . .

_No you don't._

Daisuke?

_Am I?_

No. You're not. Where is he?

_Where is who?_

Daisuke!

_He doesn't exist._

Yes he does, he-

_Not here, he doesn't._

Yes he does! I was talking to him a moment ago.

_Were you?_

Ye-es . . .

_Talking to who?_

Daisuke . . .

_Who was talking to him?_

Me! I was! Who are you?

_Me? Who are **you**?_

I'm . . .

I'm . . .

_Heheh._

_Are you waiting for me to tell you? What'd be the point? You hardly know you exist._

I'm . . .

_How pathetic. You're always floundering._

I . . .

_Where are you, Krad?_

I . . .

Krad . . .?

My name's . . . Krad . . .?

_Heh. Have you lost the plot, Krad? Have you forgotten how the story ends? Have you forgotten how it began in the first place?_

My name isn't . . .

_Oh, but it is._

Where am I . . .?

_Who're you asking?_

. . . you . . .

_Who?_

None of this makes sense . . .

_Who are you?_

I don't know anymore . . . I don't . . . we don't . . . know . . .

_We? _

We don't know who we are . . .

_What are you?_

We're one, we're all . . .

_Who are you?_

We're . . . we're . . . both.

xXx

MineGeorgi: Confuzzled? Good. The very last chapter is up next. If you read this one shortly after I put it up then stick around and the next one should be up in under an hour. Ish.


	16. Chapter 16

MineGeorgi: FINAL CHAPTER! MY FIRST COMPLETE FIC EVER! Ahem. Thank you so much for sticking with me for so long. Everything should be wrapped up in this chapter, so I hope I made it clear enough. And I hope you've enjoyed it! Thanks for all the great reviews and I hope to see you all again! xx

xXx

New Artist has just signed in.

New Artist is requesting a conversation.

000 says: Hello Daisuke.

New Artist says: Satoshi! You should have let me know you're out of hospital!

000 says: Sorry.

New Artist says: It's ok. But you really worried me when you just collapsed – the doctor said you were in some kind of coma!

000 says: It was something like that.

New Artist says: Was it Krad?

New Artist says: Sorry. It wasn't my place to ask that.

000 says: It's fine. It wasn't him. I think it was just something that I needed.

New Artist says: Ok then.

000 says: Did you resolve that problem with Dark?

New Artist: Yep! It was just some minor artwork being silly, playing pranks and stuff. Dark was never in danger.

000 says: That's good.

New Artist says: Are you sure you're ok?

000 says: I'm ok, Daisuke. At last, I'm ok.

xXx

After much debate with myself I finally picked up this pen again. Looking over my previous entries and experiences, I have come to some sort of conclusion. I feel I owe it to someone, perhaps only to myself, to write this conclusion down.

Are you there?

I suppose it was rather stupid to expect an answer.

I remember being in the kitchen with Daisuke. I remember blacking out and awakening to a world that I could not actually perceive. I remember Daisuke was there, and that we believed ourselves to be within this very book.

Daisuke, on the other hand, remembers being in the kitchen with me, and then coming out to find I had collapsed. I was rushed to hospitable.

The sensible explanation is that I was never anywhere, and Daisuke certainly wasn't there. Thus, everything that occurred after that moment in the kitchen must have been a product of my mind. Daisuke was a figment of my imagination.

How very strange.

That must then mean that all these comments from the 'book' were also created by my mind. I held the pen, after all.

On realizing this, my first thoughts were that I was quite possibly suffering from multi-personality disorder. Or that I was temporarily insane. I was basically talking to myself.

But then, I wonder. Maybe it is possible to give a book soul, if you're desperate and lonely enough.

I do not believe I was dreaming. I do not even believe that I was transported to a different dimension.

I believe I was taken deep inside myself.

And after a long time, I forced myself . . . to face myself. In my entirety. And accept something that had always been a part of me.

I accepted, no, _we _accepted each other. Myself and Krad. We are the same person. I'd always shied away from that fact, as has had all my predecessors. I'd pushed my curse away, while Daisuke embraced his warmly, and understood the reality.

Reality. Such a fickle thing.

That was something I had to do. Something we had to do, together, as one. But, there was something I also had to do alone.

I had to show myself how I really felt, and then my fears alongside those feelings. I believed Daisuke would reject me.

I intend to find out his true reaction. And I will find out tomorrow. And hope.

Maybe, in reality, whatever form it may take at the time, all anyone really wants is to know their place in the story. To know whether or not they are an active character. I believe I know my place now. I could easily be wrong. There may not be any kind of story at all.

But at least I'll know.


	17. Chapter 17

_Heh. 'A Sense of Self'._

_How apt._


End file.
